You Just Can’t Take Me Anywhere!

I went out for lunch with my new friend Sara yesterday and proved to her that I don’t know how to behave in public.

I met Sara a few months ago through a hobby we both enjoy and we hit it off. As it turns out, she only lives a mile away so we’ve been hanging out every once in a while, in addition to seeing each other at our mutual hobby.

She picked me up at my house and we went to Olive Garden for lunch. We were seated at a small table for two in the corner. Half of the seating along the row of tables was bench seating (against the wall) and the other side of the table had chairs. The other tables were all tables for four and there was only about 18 inches of space separating each table. A little close, I thought, as I took the booth seat.

We ordered our food and were talking and laughing over our salads when a woman wearing way too much perfume sat on the bench seat next to me. She was at the next table but with only a few inches separating us, her scent was overwhelming. I tried whispering to Sara that the woman’s perfume was making me gag, but before I could choke out a word or two the hostess brought a highchair and deposited it in the 18 inches of space separating our table from the next. An older woman (grandmother?) stood there holding a toddler. Oh, great! Two annoyances for the price of one.

I looked up at the hostess and, in a firm voice, said, “Can we not do this.” Everyone froze! The two women with the baby finally gasped and the child’s mother said loudly, “What, you don’t want to eat near a child?!” I kept my eyes on the hostess and said, “If you need to seat them here, I’ll move.” The highchair was blocking my way out, so I made no move to get up and leave, but my tone said it all. I was not happy.

The two women with the child kept cackling, but my issue was with the restaurant employee who decided that the only place in the entire restaurant to seat a woman wearing half a bottle of perfume and her small child was right in my lap. She was scanning the room for another place to seat people when the smelly woman snatched her child out of the highchair. Seeing that the decision had been made, the hostess proceeded to escort the women, child and highchair to another section.

I turned to Sara and said, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you, but I would have been uncomfortable with them sitting so close.” She had looked surprised at the beginning of my exchange with the hostess, but admitted that she saw my point. We were seated in the corner and my only way out was the small space in which the high chair had been placed. Add to that the overpowering odor and our meal would have been ruined.

I joked with her that she needed to make a mental note to never eat out with me again! I am a bit of an acquired taste, and I readily admit that. I’m not intentionally abrasive but I don’t put up with shit any more than absolutely necessary. I’d rather be disliked for who I truly am than loved for an act that I put on for people.

The rest of our meal went smoothly and the table next to us was eventually occupied by two women who sat on the far side of their table for four. (And they didn’t stink or need a highchair.)

I guess I wasn’t so horrible after all, because Sara drove us to her favourite gelato place for dessert.

True friends love you, warts and all. Hopefully I’ve found a new true friend.

The Sting of Rejection

I have two MySpace accounts—one for my atheist forum friends to keep in touch with me and one for a hobby I do in “real life”. I don’t advertise my atheism in my daily life (nor do I hide it), so I choose to use one set of email and MySpace info for my atheist screen name and the other set for my given name. That way any email that comes into my MommaSquid account, I automatically know it’s from a forum contact. It simplifies things for me.

So this morning I logged into my “hobby” email account and saw that I had a friend request from Madelyn, someone I met during the course of my hobby. Right after we met, I looked up her MySpace page, intending to invite her to be a friend; but what I saw on her page disturbed me. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! Everywhere I looked! Under hobbies—serving the Lord, Jesus Christ. Musical interests—Christian music. About Me—"If you died today, are you certain that you will go to heaven? Accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior today and spend eternity in heaven.” Her entire MySpace page was littered with references to church and Jesus. What the hell?

She seemed like a person of normal intelligence when I met her, and yet she has this layer that I was unaware of until now. So I decided not to invite her to be a MySpace buddy. But what does that say about me? Am I closed-minded towards believers? At that level of enthusiasm, the answer is yes.

I figure since I was raised Catholic and was able to use my mind for rational thought to ask questions, leave the church, abandon the dogma, and realize that the universe is not run by an invisible man in the sky, everyone else has the same opportunity. It’s not like I’m all that smart. I’ll never cure cancer, but at least my mind is capable of producing rational thought. I wonder about people who seem smart yet continue to swallow the mindless dogma of organized religion.

Anyway, getting back to today’s friend request from her: I logged on to the appropriate MySpace account, while pondering what to do. Do I reject her request? I thought that would be the right thing to do, since we obviously only have one thing in common—the hobby we both enjoy. But when I checked my recent friend requests, her request was no longer there—she must have deleted it. She rejected me as well.

Did she reject me because I am an atheist? The only part of my “hobby” MySpace account that mentions my propensity toward free thought is the little box I checked under the religion section. Although atheism is not a religion that is the box I checked because it best describes my views towards religion. Did Madelyn see that tiny bit of information and decide I wasn’t the sort of person she wanted to know? We certainly got along well enough during our hobby encounters for her to seek me out online and request to me a MySpace buddy—so why the retraction?

Unless I ask her the next time I see her, I’ll never know for sure. I find it very amusing that we both rejected each other (potentially) because of our views on god and religion.

How very human.

Tax Man?

I have a friend, who I'll call Dick. Dick recently read this book…



…and has decided to follow the author's examples and advice. What is this book about? Basically it's a tax scam in which you claim that your wages are not taxable and you are entitled to a full refund of all federal withholding.

Now, I hate paying taxes as much as the next person, but I'm not willing to risk the wrath of the IRS. But my friend Dick is under some kind of spell after having read this book. (It's reminds me of fundies!)

I've tried to talk him out of trying this scheme, but he is convinced that it is NOT a scheme…he believes the author of this book is interpreting the law correctly, and that the federal government has been defrauding voluntary tax payers for decades.

It’s been nice knowing you, Dick. Be sure to send me a postcard from the federal penitentiary.

Lying Liars and the Lies They Tell

I’m worried about my friend Grace. I’ve had this niggling thought in the back of my brain for some time now that she is a chronic liar. In the past, I’ve caught her in small lies that weren’t worth mentioning but lately the lies seem to be getting bigger. And she seems to be lying to cover up other lies.

Grace has been recovering from surgery and is finally able to walk again after months of rest, recuperation and physical therapy. She is now looking for a job, since she claims the job she had at the time of the accident is no longer available to her. The day of her accident, she went to turn in her two-week notice to leave her job. On the way home, she had her accident and begged her boss to disregard the fact that she just quit because she was suddenly in desperate need of health benefits. I’ve heard three versions of this story: she quit but her boss is ignoring that fact to keep her in benefits; she didn’t quit but cut her hours from full-time to part-time; she discussed the possibility of quitting but didn’t actually tender her resignation. I don’t know which version is true.

Supposedly her employer has been paying for her medical benefits for the past eight months with the intention of taking her back when she is healthy enough to return. Now she says they don’t have a position available for her but they are still willing to pay for her medical benefits. Hmmm.

She told me about a fantastic opportunity she has to work for a family friend in Mexico while living rent free in a condo by the beach. I encouraged her to take the job. She has no children or significant other to tie her down, she needs a job, the job in Mexico would give her experience in the field she has been studying in college, she likes Mexico, and she wants to learn Spanish. What is there to think about? Take the job! She agrees that it is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but she hasn’t taken it. This makes me wonder if she dreamt the whole thing up.

She has told me about job interviews she has had recently and the fantastic positions she is being considered for and the high salary she commands, but I don’t believe a word of it. I’ve worked with her and I know how she is on the job. I know the kind of work experience she has and the types of jobs she is likely to qualify for. I’ve watched her steal things and then make rationalizations about how she’s not hurting anyone with the theft. I’m worried that she is going to use me as a reference and potential employers are going to call and ask me to attest to her character…which I can no longer do. The doubts are just too numerous to ignore any longer. Grace has gotten worse with the stress of the accident, being unemployed and having to overcome months of pain and physical disability.

I know I can’t change her behavior…she has to do that for herself. But do I continue to ignore the lies or do I have a frank discussion with her and risk losing her friendship? I don’t have a lot of friends, but I would rather have no friends than compromise my principles.

Looks like I just answered my own question.

Damn.