The Sting of Rejection

I have two MySpace accounts—one for my atheist forum friends to keep in touch with me and one for a hobby I do in “real life”. I don’t advertise my atheism in my daily life (nor do I hide it), so I choose to use one set of email and MySpace info for my atheist screen name and the other set for my given name. That way any email that comes into my MommaSquid account, I automatically know it’s from a forum contact. It simplifies things for me.

So this morning I logged into my “hobby” email account and saw that I had a friend request from Madelyn, someone I met during the course of my hobby. Right after we met, I looked up her MySpace page, intending to invite her to be a friend; but what I saw on her page disturbed me. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! Everywhere I looked! Under hobbies—serving the Lord, Jesus Christ. Musical interests—Christian music. About Me—"If you died today, are you certain that you will go to heaven? Accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior today and spend eternity in heaven.” Her entire MySpace page was littered with references to church and Jesus. What the hell?

She seemed like a person of normal intelligence when I met her, and yet she has this layer that I was unaware of until now. So I decided not to invite her to be a MySpace buddy. But what does that say about me? Am I closed-minded towards believers? At that level of enthusiasm, the answer is yes.

I figure since I was raised Catholic and was able to use my mind for rational thought to ask questions, leave the church, abandon the dogma, and realize that the universe is not run by an invisible man in the sky, everyone else has the same opportunity. It’s not like I’m all that smart. I’ll never cure cancer, but at least my mind is capable of producing rational thought. I wonder about people who seem smart yet continue to swallow the mindless dogma of organized religion.

Anyway, getting back to today’s friend request from her: I logged on to the appropriate MySpace account, while pondering what to do. Do I reject her request? I thought that would be the right thing to do, since we obviously only have one thing in common—the hobby we both enjoy. But when I checked my recent friend requests, her request was no longer there—she must have deleted it. She rejected me as well.

Did she reject me because I am an atheist? The only part of my “hobby” MySpace account that mentions my propensity toward free thought is the little box I checked under the religion section. Although atheism is not a religion that is the box I checked because it best describes my views towards religion. Did Madelyn see that tiny bit of information and decide I wasn’t the sort of person she wanted to know? We certainly got along well enough during our hobby encounters for her to seek me out online and request to me a MySpace buddy—so why the retraction?

Unless I ask her the next time I see her, I’ll never know for sure. I find it very amusing that we both rejected each other (potentially) because of our views on god and religion.

How very human.

As I Was Going to St. Ives…

I was out for an afternoon stroll today, which is kind of unusual for me. When I do manage to get in some exercise, I usually walk closer to sun set; but the weather was absolutely beautiful today, so I headed out early.

I left my home at approximately ten minutes before three. By 3 p.m. I had reached a nearby community area, which includes a basketball court, volleyball sand pit, benches and the north end of the walking path that runs down the center of my subdivision. I noticed a vehicle parked illegally on the street and I recalled seeing the vehicle there numerous times before. Today I learned the reason for it being there so frequently. Seated behind the vehicle on the curb was a school crossing guard, replete in her orange safety vest and wielding her mini stop sign.

Me: Excuse me. Are you a volunteer or an employee of the school district?
CG: I’m an employee.
Me: Are you aware that you’re parked illegally?
CG: Well, there’s no place to park and I have to be here for work.
Me: Oh, okay.

How could I argue with such sound logic? Apparently the crossing guard felt herself exempt from the laws of our community. But there simply must be parking available somewhere, I thought.

I walked west to the next cross-street a short distance away. There is a no parking sign on that street as well, so I kept looking. I turned south and walked toward the next east-west situated street, which I knew from previous walks would turn into a cul-de-sac if I headed east. I followed this short street until it ended. Sure enough, I was now overlooking the public area I had just left.

← ← ← ... **no parking** ... ← ← my walking route

↓
↓
↓
→ → → ((cul-de-sac))


I could clearly see the crossing guard and the no parking sign from this new vantage point. I then returned to the crossing guard.

“There is plenty of available legal parking at that cul-de-sac right there (pointed) less than 500 feet away. You look healthy enough to make that walk.”

She then gave me a very dirty look.

That’s all you got bitch?!

I took out my cell phone and proceeded to take a picture of her vehicle in front of the no parking sign.
My back was to her when she started yelling that I was harassing her, so I turned to her and calmly said, “I’m merely documenting illegal activity.” I smiled and then turned away to take a close-up shot of her car’s license plate.

She got out her cell phone and called someone, again yelling that she was being harassed. I’m not sure who she was speaking with, but I called the police non-emergency line and reported the afternoon’s activity thus far. While I was speaking to the officer, the crossing guard packed up her little vest and stormed off. Aaaaah, sweet victory! The officer promised to alert the beat patrol officer so that he can keep an eye on the situation in the future. I thanked him for his time, put my phone away and continued my walk.

Approximately 30 minutes later, I was heading for home when the crossing guard drove past me, stuck her head and left arm out of her vehicle and took a picture of me with her cell phone. When I returned home, I called the local elementary school and spoke with the principal. I expressed concern not only for the guard’s parking habits but for the tone she took with me. As a city employee, the crossing guard should show care and concern for the children in her charge and be able to deal with the general public in a polite and professional manner. The tone she used with me (and the fact that she may have waited for 30 minutes for me to walk through the area again) made me doubt her mental fitness to perform her job duties. Plus, I was feeling a bit bitchy about the whole situation, so I decided to see if I could get the guard in trouble with her boss.

The principal promised to pull her in for a little talk tomorrow. If the guard continues to park illegally, I will notify my community’s security supervisor and have the matter handled that way.

There’s nothing like an afternoon walk to get the blood pumping.

The Atheist Next Door

CHICAGO (CBS) ― In this presidential campaign season, Democrats and Republicans alike have declared their religious faith. They do it, in part, because they believe it wins political points. After all, the latest Harris polls show somewhere between 73 and 80 percent of Americans believe in God. But what about the rest?

(The video takes a few seconds to load, so please be patient.)

Reason

Since my son’s death, I have needed to come up with daily reasons to continue living. At first, it was terribly difficult. I was in so much pain and I could see no end in sight. I asked myself why I would want to continue such a painful and futile existence. I decided that I wanted to feel the pain and suffer his loss; my son deserved to be mourned and I wasn’t going to take the easy way out and end it all.

Once that phase began to wane, I found little things to select as reasons to go on living…seeing the sun rise, walking in the moonlight, petting the cat, seeing my husband’s smile…these things gave me something to focus on to get through the many hours that were without joy.

It is going on four years since my son died, and I still use this method to get through the days, weeks, months and years without him. Yes, it has gotten easier to remember him fondly and lovingly, and the intense pain I felt early on has subsided, but it will never be easy. There are daily reminders that something special is missing from my life. But there are small daily joys to hold onto.

Those small joys continue to sustain me.

Here We Go Again

So the other night hubby says to me, “You know, I’d really like a bigger den…and maybe a garage.”

Crap.

Looks like it’s time to go house hunting.

Let me explain my reluctance in looking for a house. I’m quite content in my current apartment; the neighbors are quiet, the grounds are well kept, my rent didn’t increase when we renewed our lease, and the neighborhood has everything I need without being overly-commercial. I’ve lived in plenty of apartments, but this is the nicest one so far.

Our first home was lovely; however, after buying it, we had a string of bad luck. My husband lost his job while we were in the process of moving out of our apartment and into the house we had just closed on days before. Within a year of buying the house, both my mother-in-law and son had passed away.

Rationally I know the house didn’t kill my family members or cause my husband to be “down-sized”. I don’t believe in bad luck; it was simply a series of unfortunate events (sorry Lemony Snicket). Random chance, not karma or bad luck, is the reason for my past troubles.

My rational mind knows these things, and yet the thought of looking for a new house gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Sure, I’d like to have a bigger den, a guest room and maybe a small yard, but I’m fine where I am. Apartments have their beneficial qualities, such as not having to fix anything yourself, and the ability to move on short notice. Try doing that with a house.

But the local housing market has settled down and interest rates are still fairly low, so this is probably as good a time as any to buy a house. It doesn’t hurt to look, and since we’re happy in this apartment, we’ll be less likely to rush into a less-than-stellar home purchase.

Here’s hoping for a series of fortunate events.