Since my son’s death, I have needed to come up with daily reasons to continue living. At first, it was terribly difficult. I was in so much pain and I could see no end in sight. I asked myself why I would want to continue such a painful and futile existence. I decided that I wanted to feel the pain and suffer his loss; my son deserved to be mourned and I wasn’t going to take the easy way out and end it all.
Once that phase began to wane, I found little things to select as reasons to go on living…seeing the sun rise, walking in the moonlight, petting the cat, seeing my husband’s smile…these things gave me something to focus on to get through the many hours that were without joy.
It is going on four years since my son died, and I still use this method to get through the days, weeks, months and years without him. Yes, it has gotten easier to remember him fondly and lovingly, and the intense pain I felt early on has subsided, but it will never be easy. There are daily reminders that something special is missing from my life. But there are small daily joys to hold onto.
Those small joys continue to sustain me.
Labels: emotion, grief, rational
