Random Thoughts by MommaSquid

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Getting Better All the Time

Today is the third anniversary of my son’s death. Remarkably, I am not sitting in a puddle of tears as I was last year and the year before. The axiom “time heals all wounds” comes to mind, although I think it is a cruel statement mainly used by people who want you to shut up and stop crying.

The human mind simply cannot function in a heightened state of grief and, therefore, must let go of the pain of loss. The chemical process the body uses to achieve such a marvel is a mystery to me, but since all human emotions are brought on by chemical reactions and I have observed a change in my emotions over the years, I trust that the marvel of proper brain chemistry is alive and well in my head.

In the early days of my grief, I felt that surely I would die or go mad. How could a loving mother carry on without her only child? It couldn’t be possible to continue living and find happiness in a world that did not include my son. Today I realize, with some melancholy, that not only is it possible but that I am doing it.

I miss my son every day, but that sense of loss no longer defines my every waking hour. Nothing I ever do will bring me such a sense of joy and achievement like being a mother did, but there are good times to be had.