Reason
Since my son’s death, I have needed to come up with daily reasons to continue living. At first, it was terribly difficult. I was in so much pain and I could see no end in sight. I asked myself why I would want to continue such a painful and futile existence. I decided that I wanted to feel the pain and suffer his loss; my son deserved to be mourned and I wasn’t going to take the easy way out and end it all.
Once that phase began to wane, I found little things to select as reasons to go on living…seeing the sun rise, walking in the moonlight, petting the cat, seeing my husband’s smile…these things gave me something to focus on to get through the many hours that were without joy.
It is going on four years since my son died, and I still use this method to get through the days, weeks, months and years without him. Yes, it has gotten easier to remember him fondly and lovingly, and the intense pain I felt early on has subsided, but it will never be easy. There are daily reminders that something special is missing from my life. But there are small daily joys to hold onto.
Those small joys continue to sustain me.
Once that phase began to wane, I found little things to select as reasons to go on living…seeing the sun rise, walking in the moonlight, petting the cat, seeing my husband’s smile…these things gave me something to focus on to get through the many hours that were without joy.
It is going on four years since my son died, and I still use this method to get through the days, weeks, months and years without him. Yes, it has gotten easier to remember him fondly and lovingly, and the intense pain I felt early on has subsided, but it will never be easy. There are daily reminders that something special is missing from my life. But there are small daily joys to hold onto.
Those small joys continue to sustain me.
posted by Patricia at
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
1 Comments:
Shit, I'm sorry to hear that, dearie. I didn't know that. I don't think I've seen you mention that over at HA. That's not something that's easy to deal with. At least s an atheist yo know it's not because "God" doesn't care or some such reason.
Despite all the tradegy in my life, I have alway found a reason to go on when confronted with a roadblock. I think that's just the natural thing to do. The religious would scoff at an atheist finding a reason to live.
Sure we're sad, especially when a loved one seems to have a death wish. But ultimately life goes on, and like you seem to say, it's not right to feel sorry for ourselves when someone dies. They died, not us. Feeling sorry for yourself and missing them are two entirely different things.
They deserve to be remembered and to have the chance to live on through us. Because in a certain biological sense, our closest family members are us. And it would be the ultimate insult to the dead if their deaths caused other deaths besides their own.
By
Fredrick Stevens, At
4:06 AM
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