Today is My Birthday

Birthdays are a time for reminiscing about the past and dreaming about the future. Looking back, I wonder, what have I accomplished in 40 years of living? Not much really.

I’ve been married for 21 years, so that’s got to count for something. I had a beautiful child and, although I’m left with the pain of his loss, I wouldn’t trade a minute of the time I spent raising and loving him for all the money in the world. Over the years I’ve laughed and cried, loved and lost.

I’ve moved nearly ten thousand miles over the years and lived in at least a dozen different homes. I’ve seen a lot of places; I’ve made a few life-long friends and lost touch with others. I’ve had plenty of jobs and taken a few classes. I’ve vacationed in some interesting (but not very exotic) places. I’ve checked off a number of experiences from my “things to-do before I die” list and had several adventures that weren’t even on my list.

What is there to look forward to? Simple pleasures, quiet nights at home curled up on the couch with hubby, a few more vacations and maybe some unexpected possibilities. I was looking forward to being a grandmother someday, but that is not to be.

I’m neither rich nor famous, but those are things I never longed for. My life has been average in most respects and maybe the best has already come and gone. Mainly what I want now is for the good days to out-number the bad.

Perhaps forty is a meaningless milestone but I feel a level of self-acceptance that I lacked when I was younger. I may not be at peace with all of my circumstances and shortcomings, but I am more accepting of my flaws than I was five or ten years ago.

Happy Birthday to me.