I Can’t Sleep (Written at 3:30 a.m.)

When I was younger, my favorite activity was sleeping. Everything about sleep is great… that half-conscious, slipping off the edge into nothingness feeling that precedes sleep; my nice warm bed; soft, fluffy pillows, that satisfied, well-rested feeling you have the morning after getting a good nights sleep, and the first stretch of the day…aaahh.

I can’t remember the last time I had a good nights sleep. I have trouble falling asleep, I have trouble staying asleep, and most mornings I wake up feeling like I never really got into a deep state of sleep. I miss feeling well-rested and alert first thing in the morning and I hate feeling tired in the middle of the day. I’m afraid if I take a nap I won’t be able to sleep again that night.

This has been going on (sporadically) for over a year now. I have been offered various prescription drugs to help me sleep, but they all have nasty side effects so I’ve been reluctant to try them. Valerian root doesn’t work and it smells really bad. Melatonin helps me fall asleep but I don’t get deep sleep when I take it and I wind up feeling groggy the next morning and tired all day.

I’ve read numerous articles on sleep disturbances and insomnia. The experts say you should have a bedtime routine and observe the same regimen nightly. You should go to bed and wake up at the same time on weekends as you do during the week. Make sure the room is a cool, comfortable temperature and very dark; don’t let pets sleep in the bed with you; wear earplugs and play white noise to block out disruptive sounds. I do all of that, and yet I still can’t sleep.

Guess I’ll go back to bed now. If I don’t get some sleep soon I’m gonna go fight club crazy.